EL CENTRO — Diana Steward faced a pivotal moment in her life as a caregiver when her mother, a long-time resident of Brawley, refused to get out of bed just before Thanksgiving. After months of feeling overwhelmed while caring for her mother, who was battling Alzheimer’s disease, Steward realized she needed help. “I was a mess,” she recalled during a recent meeting of her local dementia support group. Her experience underscores the emotional challenges that many caregivers face, often overshadowed by the clinical aspects of care.
The Impact of Alzheimer’s on Family Dynamics
Steward’s journey began with good intentions when she and her husband purchased a property featuring a main house and a guest cottage, planning to care for aging parents. Initially, the guest house served as a refuge for her mother-in-law. However, it soon became apparent that Steward’s own mother was exhibiting troubling symptoms, including hallucinations and an escalating inability to manage daily activities. The situation intensified following the death of Steward’s brother, who had been living with their mother. The emotional strain culminated when her mother urgently called for help: “Diana, I need to get out of this house now.”
The transition to the guest house was meant to be a temporary solution. Steward dedicated herself to cooking meals, visiting with her dog, and managing finances. Yet, as the Alzheimer’s progressed, the challenges of home care became increasingly daunting.
Navigating Difficult Decisions
When Steward’s brothers suggested moving their mother to a professional facility, she hesitated. “I thought she’d be gone soon if I did that,” she said, reflecting on the traumatic decision. However, after consulting with others who had faced similar situations, she chose to relocate her mother to a facility in El Centro. Describing the experience as a “kindergarten moment,” Steward had to take her mother there under the pretense of visiting a friend, only to leave with a heavy heart.
To her surprise, her mother not only adjusted but thrived in the new environment. “The facility saved her,” Steward noted. “She flirted with every gentleman that came through. If she had a physical therapist, she flirted with him. She flirted with the head cook. She became more active being there.”
During the two and a half years her mother spent in the facility, Steward found crucial support in a local dementia support group. While family members sometimes offered advice that lacked understanding of the daily realities of caregiving, the group provided emotional solace. “They supported me when I made the decision to put her in a facility,” Steward explained. “They didn’t argue with me one way or the other. They supported my emotional state.”
Steward’s mother passed away in August at the age of 87, one of the last remaining siblings of ten. Even after her mother’s death, Steward continues to attend support group meetings, not for her own sake but to assist other caregivers facing similar struggles. “They gave me a whole bunch,” she said of the group’s impact. “It’s time to give back.”
