Setting Boundaries: How to Politely Reject Unwanted Affection

A reader known as Non-Hugger has expressed her discomfort over unwanted physical affection from an older gentleman, whose energetic demeanor is surprising for someone of his age. Despite enjoying their outings, she finds his insistence on hugs and kisses challenging, leading her to seek advice on how to establish clearer boundaries.

Understanding the Situation

In her letter, Non-Hugger describes her relationship with a man who is approximately her father’s age, which would place him well over 100 years old. Their friendship blossomed through shared lunches and outings, with Non-Hugger driving him to various events. However, each encounter begins with a greeting that includes a hug and a kiss, which makes her uncomfortable.

Despite her attempts to express her discomfort, the gentleman continues to disregard her feelings, believing that he can eventually change her stance on physical affection. This situation highlights the importance of setting personal boundaries, regardless of the intentions behind someone’s actions.

Advice on Establishing Boundaries

In response to Non-Hugger‘s concerns, advice columnist Annie Lane emphasizes that well-meaning behavior does not justify crossing personal boundaries. She advises that affection should be mutual and welcomed, not something that feels obligatory.

“The next time he leans in, step back and say kindly but clearly, ‘I enjoy your company, but no kisses, please,’” Lane suggests. “A little humor softens the message, but firmness makes it stick.”

This approach allows Non-Hugger to communicate her needs without damaging the friendship. Lane reassures her that asserting such boundaries is a sign of self-respect and should be understood by a true friend. The advice encourages maintaining a positive tone while clearly stating preferences, which can help navigate this tricky social dynamic.

Ultimately, Non-Hugger is encouraged to take charge of her comfort in the relationship. The ability to say no to unwanted affection is crucial for personal well-being, and it’s a skill that can benefit many in similar situations. By establishing clear and respectful boundaries, Non-Hugger can continue her outings without the dread of uncomfortable greetings.

For those facing similar challenges, Annie Lane invites readers to share their questions by emailing [email protected]. Such concerns highlight the universal need for respectful relationships and the importance of personal boundaries, no matter the age of those involved.